Rethink Breast Cancer presents: Your Man Reminder -
Rethink Breast Cancer presents: Your Man Reminder -
Craigslist keeps flagging the post and it keeps getting removed. Please pass on this link so that I may get this darn thing sold!
If you are looking for a car that will help you get laid, this one ain’t it. This car isn’t ugly so much that it is practically invisible. If you want a car that will get you noticed, just click away from this ad now, ‘cause this car is better suited to hiding in plain sight.
However, if you need a car with stealth capabilities, this car would be ideal for remaining invisible. If you need a getaway car for any reason— I’m certainly not endorsing bank robberies— sneaking out of work early, slinking away from those dreaded family gatherings, stalking your ex, or taking up a hobby as paparazzi, it is perfectly suited for such endeavors.
Luckily, this car comes with a key fob that will flash the lights and horn at you as you meander around the Wal Mart parking lot at 2am. Just grab your boxed wine and Red Box movie because ain’t no one going home with you once they get a look at what you’re driving. This car has a knack for becoming invisible in crowded parking lots, so keeping a fresh battery in the key fob is essential, otherwise your perpetually single ass is going to be wandering the parking garage checking the license plates of every compact sedan of a nondescript grayish color. Not that you’ve got something better to do. But that box of Franzia is getting heavy and only serves to remind you how lonely and pathetic your life is.
I bought this car because I wanted to be left alone. Hell, not even the cops bothered me when I went flying down the freeway at 68mph in a 65mph zone. Again, I don’t advise anyone use this car for law breaking purposes, my example is a poor one and only proves that I was taking unnecessary risks. I may have gotten away with pushing the boundary of the law that time, but you may not be as lucky as me.
This car has been primarily driven on the highway. Ok, I know you are rolling your eyes now, because everyone says that, but do you really think I got this baby up over 200K just running the kids to soccer practice?
I bought the darn thing in Missoula, Montana because I had to. As in, I was stranded on the Great Plains. My Dodge Intrepid died a very dramatic death involving copious amounts of smoke spewing from the tail pipe. This brought on a huge bout of enviroguilt, causing me to seek out the nearest Prius dealership. Unfortunately, they were sold out of Priui at the moment, so I ended up with the next best thing for assuaging my guilt over spewing carbon emissions into the atmosphere: A Toyota Corolla.
When the salesman attempted to show me the car, I walked right past the darn thing. Yes, it was sitting on the showroom floor, but I’m fairly sure its cloaking device was fully engaged. I nearly tripped over it before the test drive because I just didn’t see it there.
I should have known at the time I would be forever losing this car. There was only one time that disaster nearly resulted from my car being so darned hard to spot. I was in Tacoma, Washington where I was forced to stop for fuel. Being an Oregonian, this exercise in and of itself is rather stressful. If you’ve ever traveled north of the border to the uncivilized hinterlands, you know that creatures of civility such as ourselves are rarely exposed to the indignities of self service fueling stations. After I managed to successfully fuel my vehicle without any expert training, I dashed into the convenience mart to reward myself with a treat for a job well done. When I returned to my vehicle, I climbed into the driver’s seat to prepare for my trip back to Oregon, but noticed a bunch of junk on the passenger seat. Some kind of map and a thermos that was not there a moment before, was cluttering my front seat. Who would dump this junk in my car? I put my key in the ignition, but it wouldn’t turn. Then I looked a little closer, and the interior of my car was now a taupe color, whereas it had been a flat gray color just a few minutes before.
My first thought was, naturally, that I had slipped into an alternate plane of existence. This one was so close to my own that it was nearly imperceptible. But then a middle-aged man was tapping on the glass of the driver’s side window, saying, “Lady, your car is over there.” Pointing out my own vehicle sitting at the next row of pumps.
So, if you need a car that will get you from here to Argentina and back, using stealth technology to remain completely invisible from the causal onlooker, look no further. This car has been well maintained. I’ve never had a more reliable car in my life. If you absolutely, positively need this car to get you from Point A to Point B, it won’t let you down.
I don’t know how Toyota did it, but they managed to build and mass market a disappearing car.
Other pertinent info:
I see stuff like this and wonder, what century is this again? Number of Women ‘Tricked’ Into Parenthood is On Rise http://ow.ly/lC8s3
Neil Gaiman – Inspirational Commencement Speech at the University of the Arts 2012 – YouTube http://ow.ly/lww87
I was stymied about the definition of literary fiction and how it differs from contemporary fiction. The best answer I could come up with so far is literary fiction is the boring version of contemporary fiction. I’m pretty sure literary fiction is what English lit professors write to impress their peers. My best guess is that it is the Prog Rock of the literary world. Personally, I want to be the Nickleback of the fiction world, ’cause, you know, babes!
I saw this excerpt on Salon.com when researching what the heck people mean when they say ‘Literary Fiction” exactly. Appearently, I’ve been training my whole life for a career as a writer! Yay me!
But a fiction writer ought to engage with other parts of the culture, too. This includes reading outside one’s genre — I happen to favor sci-fi and mystery, but I think it’s fine for literary writers to read YA, romance, fantasy or whatever they please. Literary writers are in the privileged position of being permitted to raid any genre for tools to subvert and repurpose. We ought to be reading poetry, too, of course, and nonfiction. We should read instruction manuals, legal documents, restaurant reviews and corporate newsletters. We should follow weird people on Twitter and go to lots of parties and have lots of intense and ridiculous conversations with drunk people. We should go home for the holidays and argue with our families, and we ought to listen to lots of music and we ought to watch plenty of television, because television is, at the moment, the most artistically important narrative medium. We should eavesdrop, and we should gossip. We should probably be in therapy. We should probably drink more coffee.
And, of course, this guy makes it all clear for those of us who are just not high enough to contemplate such things:
As a person who watches what she eats and exercises regularly even when I really don’t feel like it, it always irks me to think about the double standard that Hollywood places on actors over actresses. There was an article on Yahoo! today about Keanu Reeves and his recent weight gain. The general over arching attitude of both the author of the article and the commenters was, “Just let him be. Dude has worked hard, he should be able to enjoy his 50′s without all this criticism.”
I’m like, “What?!” Actresses and female celebrities are constantly picked apart for the tiniest imperfections to their figure, yet this leading man is given a pass by both journalists and fans alike. Remember Britney Spear‘s come back at the 2008 VMAs? Britney was derided in the press and amongst fans and peers for her full figure. Jesus! I know plenty of women who wish they could look like that! Also take into consideration that she had two babies back to back and was very publicly in emotional agony. Her mental breakdown was fodder even for serious news organizations. You try raising two small children while going through a divorce in the midst of your career melting down.
One of my favorite actors, Nathan Fillion, has been looking pretty chubby lately. If it was part of prepping for a role, that I could understand. To my eyes it looks like sheer laziness and too much junk food. I follow the show Castle, and get updates from fan blogs. Mostly his recent weight gain has gone unnoticed. The one blog that did mention it was almost apologetic for having even brought it up. I wanted to comment about if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…
Compare these two images of the actor (note these are 10 years apart, but Fillion isn’t by any means old. He is currently 42.)
Fillion is a leading man in a romantic crime drama. I follow the show Castle because I like mysteries and I like Fillion. I’m also guessing that he was a big draw for the show due to his hunky heart-throb rep. But in the episode ‘The Squab and The Quail,” the leading female role of Beckett, played by Stana Katic, is paired with a good looking billionaire in the story line. I found myself as the viewer hoping that she did fall for the billionaire guy. I knew that it would never work for the story line, but I kind of wanted to see it happen anyway.
Nathan Fillion, please eat more kale and fewer doughnuts. Get into the gym or maybe do a turn on “Dancing With The Stars” (See Kelly Osbourne’s physical transformation). You are doing your fan base a disservice by not minding your waistline.